Can I just vent on “Attachment Parenting?”
I love my child intensely, like any other mother. My day pretty much revolves around my child, but in a good way. I quit my job to raise my child, and I know not everyone can or wants to do this, but I did and I am happy with my decision. I love being a stay at home mom.
I know my child. I know what her cries mean. I know when she’s tired or hungry or just bored. Most of the time.
BUT because I don’t subscribe to all the Dr. Sears Baby B’s, I am not ATTACHED to my child and must not really love her.
Seriously, Dr. Sears and company, I loathe you.
You make these comments and “research” that has caused me to question if I am a good mom. Grrrr.
You know what? My baby started being A WHOLE LOT HAPPIER when I bit the proverbial bullet and staved her off for another 20 minutes before feeding her so she’d be on a 2 1/2 to 3 hour routine. The “demand” feeding schedule is misunderstood to feed your child every time she cries. WRONG. She was crying because she was tired or gassy or something ELSE. It just so happened that my child’s natural rhythm, so to speak, was a 3 hour schedule. If she started to cry at hour 2 and I fed her, she’d just cry some more because what she really wanted was SLEEP or some gas relief.
While I don’t like being labeled an “Ezzo Baby Wise Follower” he said something that made sense: ASSESS your child’s needs before you put baby to breast. Duh. My grandmother said that too. So did her mother.
My baby started being A WHOLE LOT HAPPIER when I let her cry through her naptime. It took 2 days, 2 naps of crying and yes, I did check on her and did not just let her cry for hours on end. She wouldn’t fall asleep on me, in the rocker, nowhere. What else was I supposed to do? Now she has her little “transitional object,” which I love, and she’s off to dreamland. Every time. Like a champ. She is well rested and happy.
I have a baby sling. I use it sometimes in the grocery store. She isn’t stable enough sitting up to sit in the cart and the weight of her and the car seat is just insane. So I “baby wear” her there. And when we traveled. And sometimes when when my back hurts too much to carry her in my arms in and out of places. But it’s difficult to do 24/7 at home and I also think that she needs to be on the carpet sometime, exercising her own muscles, learning to roll over, sit up, crawl, feel new objects, learn to play with toys. She can’t do that if she is carried all the time. What do you say about THAT Dr. Sears?
Listen to the way that Dr. Sears describes Attachment Parented children vs. non AP:
“Group A were attachment-parented babies. These babies were securely attached, the products of responsive parenting. Group B babies were parented in a more restrained way, with a set schedule and given a less intuitive and nurturing response to their cues.”
OH MY WORD! “Responsive parenting?” !?!?!?!?! “Less intuitive and nurturing response?” So I don’t respond to my child in a nurturing way because I believe that parents should be in charge and not the 15 pound dictator? Yes, my baby is on a schedule, but it’s flexible based on what we all need. And I’d like to have Dr Sears in my house to see how I lay on the floor and play with my child, enjoying her very presence, watching her try new things, giggle, and laugh as I give her little feet raspberries. And then let him tell me that I’m not a responsive parent. Or a nurturing parent.
UGH! I know what I am doing is right for my family. I can’t stand this categorization of what “type” of parent you are. You are a parent. Period. Sweet Pea is happy, we’re all happy.
Thankfully no “parenting style” was carved in stone on Mt. Sinai. LOL.